ListYourList

"I Quit!" Pt. 1: Reasons why I smoke

I'm way don't with this nonsense. I'm working through some of my stuff with some lists. This is part one.

• because smoking has always been my (bad) friend when shit was tough.
• I like the smell of a fresh pack.
• it enables me to romanicize appalachia.
• (I pretend) it relaxes me when I'm stressed.
• it makes me feel like a champ to say, "I ran 5 miles and I'm a smoker!"
• it's an excuse to go outside.
• it's a reward (I know how dumb that sounds).
• rolling cigarettes is peaceful and artful.
• among people who smoke, there is great camaraderie.
• I am rebelling. still.
• smoking makes me remember Devlin.
• my mother smokes. it's nice to do it with her.
• I'm self important and smoking give me an extra "need" and sense of urgency.
• smoking is great company while waiting for a train.
• stillness
• I measure time (the walk to school, the bus transfer) based on how long it takes me to smoke a cigarette.
• when I was attacked when I was 16, I put my cigarette out on the guy's arm. I believe it saved me.
• I don't actually believe it will kill me.